Once upon a time, there was a beautiful and funny and incredibly fashionable girl. She used to be really really REALLY skinny for a hot minute. She gave up wine and coffee and food and happiness and became a wonderful princess of bikinis. Then when the vacations, Halloween, and the whole seeingpeoplewhojudgeyou thing ended, she drank coffee and wine and ate food again. Now she has lost her bikini throne and is barely in the HEYimnot30yet court of commoners. In fact, it was though the Twizzler princess cursed her reflection as she couldn’t look in mirrors anymore without wincing in visual pain. What is she to do?
She’s gonna stop bitching, get her shit together and stop stuffing her GD face with pizza and chocolate out of pitiful sorrow and reclaim her crown. It will be a cold day in starvation hell before that nasty bitch Metabolism takes it away.
Don’t give me that “it’s what’s on the inside that counts” bs. It’s how you look in your skinny jeans that really moves mountains.
Adoring love, Your princess of power
PS Save your eating disorder comments for someone with morals.
PPS Relax, I'll have a deep fried oreo with a side of shiraz in under an hour
54 comments:
Which is why I remain a fatty with a shelf ass.
Tell me about it. I started the Fat Flush today and the 30 day shred. It's been 12 hours and I'm still on both...not bad.
Ditto what Stephanie said!
Seriously, I looked at the Shred thingy workout and had a small coronary "incident."
either way you are gorgeous my friend! you'll find your groove eventually.
Girl, you are skinny, so, shut up and don't make me smack you with said deep fried Oreo, k?
Buuuuut, that said, I might not have sworn off food (yet) I have instituted 6-10 minutes of pure hell, aka ab work nightly. Because crap, if my belly is gonna be covered in this ever present layer of chub, it might as well have some muscle under there. 7 minutes last night and 3 this AM--I must say, my tummy is looking thinner this very minute. Hmm...
Can't I just watch TV instead?
Gurl first of all,
whatcha talking about willis!
Gurrrrllllll stand next to me and you will look like fkn barbie and then some....
K
and yes it is what inside that counts for ugly people HELLO you aint ugly girl!! Go on with your bad self just be sure to send all the food you aint eating my way LOL
Grissell
stay-at-homemomwhoknew.blogspot.com
Once I was really skinny...I actually only ate half a chicken finger wrap each day and 1 smoothie.
I was also depressed and didn't get out of bed until 12.
That part sucked but being skinny was awesome.
Hmmm, just made a similar vow to get back to skinny. Then I had fritos for dinner.
Diet of the Century: The Swinies. Minus 10 Pounds is apparently the party favor to my Fiesta of Misery. I can cough into a Ziploc baggie and FedEx it to you, if you'd like.
I agree, it is DEFINITELY how you look in those skinny jeans. I am a fat ass these days and I am hating it. I am jumping on your band wagon... right after I eat one more truffle and taste of raspberry cheesecake I made. THEN I am on that bandwagon...
somewhere in teh deep recesses of this figure that was never skinny cause I have the boobs of a flipping bomber plane's bomb , is a skinny woman screaming to get out... I simply keep her sedated with chocolate adn coffee
Deep fried Oreo...YUM!!! You're the only person i know that eats these...besides myself of course :)-
Haha...the pic. You're no pussy cat...slide on those skinny's and pour a glass of wine.
I used to be very, very skinny.
My diet? Two packs of Marlboro menthol 100's and alcohol and chips and salsa.
(Chips and Salsa because I worked at a Mexican restaurant.)
Those were the good ole days fo' sho.
What is this deep fried oreo you talk of and how come I have never heard of it.
All that shit you hear about your metabolism once you hit 30..yeah, it's all true. Every word of it...I can run until my tongue hangs out of my mouth like a dog and it does shit. Shit I tell you...
Yeah, skinny jeans now, before those FAT holidays.
Secretia
Girl...Only 6 short years ago, I wore a size 2. Um, now I am close to obese. I stil work out and eat healthy, but I just don't have time to be obsessed with that anymore!
One day I care, the next I dont, then I care, then I dont...
So...ya...maybe tomorrow I will join you in eating disorder land, but for tonight...I am sipping/gulping my wine and Loving it!
MMMMmmm oreos. I will have mine with a side of Diet Coke and bacon.
Im afraid if i get skinny, my friends will be jealous and I love thm too much to hurt them
I totally get it. I work my arse off for an event and than slack. I say this as I eat pizza and a donut for dinner.
Ah, the old skinny jeans. No kidding, they are definitely the yardstick that counts!! Once I get rid of that Halloween Candy, get through Thanks Giving, Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day, Birthday ..... Then I'll get back into them!
Did nobody pay attention to the poverty and stress diet I blogged about? Granted it only works if you a) have no money to throw away on something that's just going to end up in the toilet anyway like food and b) are stressed enough about not having said money that even if you did you have no appetite. If you can meet those two requirements, you can easily have a rockin' bod like me. It's a small price to pay...
Two words here: Muffin Top.
Yep. Working on that right now.
I always make it a point to lose like 8 lbs before the holidays so I can gain it back and not be even fatter than previously...but then I'm back to square one. vicious effing cycle...
I keep myself nice and plump so I won't have to worry about making the rest of the women of the world jealous.
You're welcome ladies!!
Deep fried OREOS? Bring it on! Life is for living and eating. I gave up on skinny pants when I married a chef. It was a delicious sacrifice! - G
I will never give up food. NEVERRR. I mean, I could die at any minute, and I refuse to die while on a diet. Which is why I go to the gym because I'd rather go through the agony of seeing sweaty, hairy men grunt while they lift weights and run until I pass out than not have those french fries. Or deep fried Oreos.
JUST be prepared in your 30's the bod does change a bit, you can still wear skinny jeans, but things will shift, just eat deep fried oreos on special occasions, but never swear off the fatty stuff, it's always good now and then!!!
luv,
spoons.
whoever said 'it's what's on the inside that counts' was clearly just looking for a reason to bust out of fat camp and eat the stash of m&m's hidden under her bed.
Dude, there is a full package of double stuff oreos calling my name. I have milk and everything. Nobody's awake but me so those calories don't count.
Yay for deep fried oreos!
Work on getting into those skinny jeans now...or just have another oreo. I vote oreo.
There's no frackin' way you're making it through the holidays. I know I'm not very supportive. Supportive is for Oprah or somebody. I deal with reality here.
Oh, and just to make sure you knew...that comment was typed in sarcasm font. ;)
I think you knew that, but I gotta make sure of these things.
Deep. fried. oreo's. You are my hero.
btw, starving yourself will make the alcohol hit you WAY faster. Win/win!
Thank God I have body dysmorphia.
:)
Gas
Isn't red wine good for your heart?
Yeah, that shit is health food. I mean, that's why I drink it!
I think you'll find it doesn't matter what you eat, as long as you have an apple at the end of the day that undoes any bad stuff you ate during the day.
At least that's what I keep telling myself.
You have admirable goals.
Tuesday's Tales in Two Hundred - Going In Circles
I agree with Nessa, admirable goals. I love the princess and the kitty in ballet tutus. My daughter would so want this if she saw it. One year she wanted the "pooping dog" that came with the Barbie....the Barbie? Not so much.
I feel your pain. Now into my middle 30s I weigh 7 pounds more than the day I gave birth. FML.
LOL This cracked me up. I even made my husband read it :)
I was on the phone with my dad last night and told him I was on a diet...to which he laughed and said, "I guess you don't want your stepmom to send up any Christmas treats then?"
And I calmly replied, "Dad, don't be silly. I can be bulimic for a few days."
Seriously now I've written it I'm a little nervous there will be a verbal stoning
In college, I had mono, lost 15 lbs and looked smoken hot & secretly wish to get it again (INSANE, I know). I will be sharing this one with my girls. Spot on MODG.
OMG. Literally as of Sunday I announced no carbs in order to get in tip-top shape for e-pics. I had spinach for breakfast. I am going to kill myself.
I've been known to skip healthy, balanced meals in order to consume alcohol or eat dessert for dinner instead. :)
I was hoping for the Swine so I could lose an easy 10lbs...but no such luck ;)
I'm on the same life plan for the same reason. Skinny jeans rule my life.
Sister, my body forgot what metab was. So for now I will starve....till I can fit into my 5's again...and along with this will come some fanfrikintastic skinnies. Yes mam you heard right, Im on the way to starvation hell. Baha.
I haven't eaten real food (soy burgers and broccoli do not count) in two days and I haven't felt better in months.
Yay skinny!
I cannot give up the wine. Chocolate, myeh.
Pizza is something that should never be brought into the house...
When we make a Papa Murphy's its like I forget to stop eating. Ugh.
Good thing I keep getting my fat arse up and to the gym.
I'm on a roller coaster here...can someone please pass the caramello bar and munchos....I need a fix:)
Funny you posted this, my 31 year old self just threw a pity party over being too fat. See post I just did.
That being said, sure what is on the inside is nice, but it's the being the skinny bitch everyone envy's is what makes me happy. See photo and understand why I'm not happy. At. All.
Hence why I asked Spaghetti if I could just go get the flu, and drop some weight that way. Maybe a nice stomach virus to poop it all out... wishful thinking.
Queen of Feisty
I hear you so loud and clear. I just kicked ass at spinning class. Then I came home and devoured 1/2 a bag of Sour Cream and Onion Lays. Those chips are currently muffin topping their way over my work out pants as we speak. Sigh.
Thank God I'm bulimic. I know someone else said it too.
I'm not. I mean, I wish.
I can't let the poptarts go just yet, but I started dancing with the baby three times a day to rock her to sleep, and I break major sweat. That must count for something, right?
ha ah! never been skinny and never will, but who can deny that when the pounds go down, the confidence/sexyness/happy mood go up??? yes a pretty package DOES matter...at least to us!
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